From Spreadsheets to Bedsheets

Originally published in MetroParent, May 2009

l am trying to carve out a new identity for myself. Before my job of a couple of  decades was eliminated last summer in yet  another "corporate reorganization," I was an income-producing parent in a male-dominated workforce - a woman who adapted  to being judged by the bottom line. Eating  lunch with the IT nerds suited me. I secretly  enjoyed not having
to pretend I was the  traditional, nurturing  mother type all the  time. I got to play another role, one that  played into my non-conformist nature.

But now, due to a  weak economy and an Internet-based job search that yields  few results, it seems I have fallen into the  role of stay-at-home  mom - one whose  biggest pressure is  distributing clean  laundry to the correct  teen's room instead of anticipating the  annual performance review at work.

There are advantages to both situations,  whether you are a parent who stays home or one who works outside the home. But I struggle with what my role is supposed to be now that I'm not working. I've always earned  income. Is it OK not to? To have a different  focus?

I'm glad I don't have to fiddle with  spreadsheets anymore or pretend I'm a Visio  expert. But when people ask me, "Have you been looking?" As in "Have you found  yourself a job yet, fool?" I feel like I should  hang my head and  mumble something  about "that tough job  market out there."
I don't tell them I  grocery shop while the kids are in school,  a harried task I used to perform on the  weekends, and have  time to stare at the  produce before I  choose the fresher- looking strawberries  over the not-so-watery  watermelon. Even  though I enjoy the  luxury of shopping at  a leisurely pace, it feels  like I'm lurking in the  hallways when I'm  supposed to be in class.

This could not be possible if my husband's  income hadn't risen as mine was being  eliminated. I know that. But with two  teenagers who sometimes find my very presence  annoying, I also don't  want to feel
as irrelevant as  soap-on-a-rope.  However, it sure is  nice to do something
other than cut-and-paste minutia from one spreadsheet to another or maintain the  integrity of a very old database every day.

It's taken a while to get the knack of  staying home. I still don't have it quite right.  Sometimes I wonder if I should be creating a  fancy chore chart instead of reading A Nation  of Wimps. But some days there's a nice little  rhythm to settle into. And I notice things I  previously overlooked. Like how frequently  the dog likes to be let outside. Or how messy  my daughter's room was until I cleaned and  organized it with chic linen storage bins from  Target. I catch myself peering in her room to  gaze at my work.

I like how it feels when the beds are made. I also see that the same pile of clothes has sat  on the ironing board for a year, still wrinkled, and the lint trap in the dryer fills up quickly.  Sundays don't have the same feeling of dread  they used to - and orthodontist appointments  aren't squeezed into work schedules. I don't rush home from work anymore, defying the  speed limit, to fix dinner or pick up my son  from basketball. And I see a PTSA meeting in  my future. Maybe.

So is this better than working? I don't know. I do like it. It seemed I moved faster when I  was working. I got more done and some days  felt like the epitome of efficiency. But I'm  enjoying this slower pace. It's different from  what I was accustomed to. Maybe different is  enough for now.

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Pam Houghton

From Spreadsheets to Bedsheets